Our Christmas gifts are ON the Christmas tree!

What gifts are on your tree this morning? Imagine a Christmas tree that is filled with the skills and abilities of people...  

Every person who walked into Winton LifeLine Community Center received a Christmas ornament and was asked to write one of their gifts, skills or abilities that they are willing to share with the community. Then we hung them on the tree and the result is this beautiful tree filled with gifts.

It was different kind of experience and people were a little puzzled... but in the end we got to know each other and enjoy the giftedness of each person.

Wednesday after Christmas we will celebrate a community meal and as we talked about it in the context of the gifts and abilities several community members wanted to help in various ways... cook a turkey... bring tamales... bring some drinks.     

LifeLine CDC has a saying "Everyone no matter how rich has a need. Everyone no matter how poor has a gift. That is why we build and celebrate community." 

Merry Christmas! 

How many people does it take to change a town?

As I drove up with the Bus Boutique to Winton LifeLine Community Center today, people were already standing in line for the USDA food distribution. Inside about 20 volunteers prepared the boxes for 453 people to have food this week. 

There wasn't much space to move the old school bus into place and I needed some help. One gentleman guided me along so that  I would avoid the parked cars... but there really wasn't much space so a professional truck driver helped with his expertise to move the bus into the right place... having only 2 inches to spare. Then volunteers helped getting the bus ready that served over 100 people today. 

We met with a representative from Friends of the Library trying to help them keep the branch library open. We had a volunteer drop off the wood for the computer stations he is building, another volunteer cleaned up some old discarded furniture. Someone donated a Christmas tree and a volunteer was putting it up. Another volunteer created a database to help with some of our chores, he also is setting up the building for the VITA program (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance). Another volunteer looked at a way to put our mural up that Jr High students created. Then there were phone calls and conversations and brainstorming about the upcoming Christmas store... and a number of other things.

Today I saw it again. The beauty of volunteering, the beauty of giving back, the beauty of making your place more liveable. The beauty of friendship. 

So tomorrow, if you should go to Winton... stop by and see what it takes to "put Winton on the map for something good."

"Don't judge a book by it's cover...... and don't judge it by the first chapter."

Our newest volunteer is Toby who spent 16 years of his life in prison and many other years in gangs, getting shot the first time at age 11 by rival gang members.  As Toby shared his story on CNN several years ago, he used the phrase "don't judge the book by it's first chapter" and I was struck with the depth of it.

It is so true, how often do we look at people and have already made up our minds before they ever open their mouths? How many times do we dismiss people because of small things.

How often do we believe that people with a history, a past, a record, a bad 'first chapter', have no chance in learning, growing, developing? How often do we dismiss them?

Toby reminded me again that we all have many more chapters to write in the book of our lives and that maybe the last chapter is the one that pulls it all together.


For this season, I pray to be more open to read beyond the cover and the first chapter!

Fog in the valley and other musings on community development

Driving to Fresno I saw the beautiful "tule fogs".  I know they can be very dangerous, but what I saw was just beautiful. Overhead the sun was shining and at ground level the fields were covered with white blankets. You could make out some things, while others were hidden. You could see the top of farm buildings and tall trees but they looked like they were standing in nothing.

I was on my way to a conference on "Abundant Community" and I had to smile when I saw the fog, because it reminded me how often I talk with people about Asset Based Community Development and the need to look deeper into the community, to see all the assets and resources and gifts, that are already in the community and not just see only certain parts.

As I kept driving a second fog developed, this one high up in the sky covering up the early morning rays of the sun It created an eerie picture. At ground level we had the Tule fogs and above the sun was covered in fog as well. It was a  strange sight alright. And again I was drawn to community development. Sometimes the problems and struggles seem so great that it is difficult to not see the 'darkness' of the work. To despair for lack of sun, the struggles for survival. There are days when I wonder if we make any progress, if we see any changes.

But then my eyes were drawn to the middle. There the crystal clear view of structures and trees and beauty could be seen in all its glory.

Sometimes I guess it depends on where you chose to look. You look up high and things seems dark and ominous, you look too far down and the fog might cover everything.

But if you have eyes to see the beauty in all of it, if you look for what is there and not what is missing... you see some amazing things.

I was reminded that I need to look for what is already there and then I might even see the things that are hidden. Because it is in the journey of exploration and discovery that we see the beauty around us.

Can a community change because of ONE person changes?

Can a community change because one person changes?

We often look at the big picture of community development but when I think of community transformation I think of individual community members making changes by being better neighbors, being more active in the community. People who chose to change their lives so that the whole community will be affected.

When I think of Adrian I think of Community Transformation!

Adrian (better known as FATZ) worked at the Winton Community Center through the “Welfare to Work” program. He had come a long way, from being a rich young man with a paid for brand-new home at 20 and all the ‘bling’ you can imagine, to a Welfare recipient at 26.

Adrian learned the hard way that a life of crime, no matter how successful, does not meet the greatest needs in a family. Both, he and his girlfriend, were on drugs, both were about to lose their children and Adrian, who had been incarcerated several times, realized that he was heading for ‘hard time’ if he did not change. His final breaking point was when he missed the birth of his child.

Adrian ended up on welfare, at that point had 5 children and a girlfriend that was going through recovery.

When we got to know Adrian we saw so much more than a former gangster, we saw a community organizer, a person willing to work with our at-risk-youth, a person willing not to stay at that low point in his life.

Adrian became our AmeriCorps member and just last week finished his term. Through his service he brought community members together, broke down some of the age barriers and had a big passion in helping at-risk-youth.

The Winton community is being transformed because a gangster turned community organizer stepped out of his comfort zone to be part of the solution.

He headed up the graffiti abatement youth team that connected with senior citizens who would bring them home-made cookies; he connected with officials to let them see that community members are active to ‘put Winton on the map for something good’. He helped clean up the community and worked tirelessly to make it a better place, often times being surrounded by young people who would help and his own 6 year old son who wanted to be just like dad.

He worked with a team on a community garden, organized groups to help senior citizens, worked hand-in-hand with everyone willing to made Winton a better place.

Yesterday Adrian called me all excited! He has big dreams and they are becoming a reality. He enrolled in school to become a chef! His dream has been to be a cook, a job he has been doing for years, but now with the scholarship for his AmeriCorps service he can go on to school and get the right training.

This spring Adrian and Liz got married, but as of today Liz chose to return to a life of drugs, leaving Adrian with his 6 children under10.

But he is not worried! He has a community that surrounds him, plans for his future and new understanding that there might be a God who is involved in the everyday part of life. (Although as he would state it, he not yet convinced). But we are not worried because we know that we build the road as we walk it.

Monika Grasley

LifeLine CDC

October 2011

My soul is joyful while my heart is crying

A lovely 78 year old lady and her 50+ year old son came to the Bus Boutique today. The Dial-a-ride dropped them off and she slowly went up the stairs in the Bus Boutique. R. was referred through a local agency and was in need of clothing.

Her wrinkled old face reflected some of the heartache of her life but when she spoke her eyes lit up and she was joyful and excited about the things that where going well.

She recently lost her daughter and to pay for the funeral everyone in the family sold most of their belongings at a yard sale. They also made tamales, had car washes and whatever else they could think of to pay for the funeral expenses.

But winter was coming and her wardrobe is empty.

So, together we went 'shopping'.....and with every piece of clothing we found, she was excited thanking Jesus for what she was given.

But I have to admit, I don't know who enjoyed this more. I enjoyed watching her son help me organize some things while he found clothing for himself, I enjoyed the joy on her face when she was blessed with good winter clothing. I was joyful to be able share some time with her and hear a little of her life story. I am joyful because I get to see how the many clothing donations community members have made are coming to good use. I am thankful for the grant from Merced Foundations for the upkeep, gas, and insurance for the Bus Boutique.

At the same time I had to hold back my tears, tears over the brokenness of our system and society that made a 78 year old woman not have enough money for clothing. It made me sad when she shared that she might have to move out of her 1 bedroom apartment because on her social security she cannot afford it My heart was crying over her agony of having to bury her own daughter. I was sad because there are many more people around in the same predicament.

So I am once again faced with the paradox of our work. The joy when people connect with each other, the sharing stories and resources, the being a little bit of community together, while at the same time my heart is broken over the smallness of our impact in the vast amount of pain and loneliness in our communities.

But I will not forget her face, or her story, I will remember that with every smile I give, every kind word I have, every resource I share, every help I ask for, someones live is changed, if even only in a small way.

Winton is changing - when people care enough to act

Recently we asked some community members some questions:
1. What are you willing to tell us about yourself?
2. How do you feel about your community?
3. What would you like to do to help your community?
4. Where do you see yourself 5-10 years from now?

All of these community members are part of "Putting Winton on the map for something good" and we are so proud of them. Everyone of them have made tough decisions to look beyond the here and now to the future ahead.
All of them have dreams of a better future for their children.


Here are some of the answers:
My name is Z. I am 40 years old and have 4 children. I think we should have no more bad people around the community. There is just to much crime around this place. I would like have some English class so that I can teach my kids more. I want to own my own home and send my kids to college.

My name is M and I have been married for 13 years and have 4 children. I think there is to much vandalism and gang stuff going on. I would like to start an ESL class and maybe computers that teaches the basic stuff. Have a home and have my children in college.

My name is S. and I am 44 and have been married for 30 years. I have 6 children. I don't want gangs and drugs and crime. I want to learn more about English and computers. My kids need to go to college and work professionally.

I am 40 years old and have 5 children and 3 grandchildren. I am happy to live here and want to help my neighbors and friends. I want to work in an office or maybe in the school with children.

I am 49 with 6 children and 19 grandchildren. I enjoy my grand babies, enjoy fishing and camping and I love my job. What Winton needs is more police so that when something happens the cops will be there right away. There are some great community members around like Ernie and Rosemary, they help people, listen and the center has clothing and food and other stuff. They are a great support. Hopefully one day I will run my own work in the community.

I am 24, have 3 kids and that pretty much changed everything for me. My life is positive. I think to make Winton a better place we need need more police to lay down the law. I want to volunteer to make it a better place. I want to have my own place and a good job.

I am 26 and have 7 children. I feel the community needs a lot of change like sidewalks, parks, less gangs and crime. I am part of changing Winton because I want to see my kids grow up.

---------------------------------------
What none of them shared with you is the hardship they have endured, they struggles they have faced, the handicaps they have to overcome!

"What does community look like to you?"

Last week LifeLine CDC had the opportunity to be at the UC Merced Community Fair**.

We had pictures with the word "community' printed on them and asked the students to draw what community meant to them. It was a wonderful experience to see what people came up with... showing the interconnectedness of people, the balance of creation, the interaction with each other, the closeness of city life..... so many amazing ideas.
It sure made me realize once again that we are all longing for community. It reminded me that we all have something to give to each other. It made me dream of a future where community and neighborhoods are treasured again and where people exchange their gifts, skills and passions with each other.

Until then, we continue to say "everyone no matter how rich has a need and everyone no matter how poor has a gift and that is why we build and celebrate community."


** This is a time where non-profits can share their information with the students and let them know how they can get involved.

Health involves every part of us

A couple of weeks ago several of our Winton volunteers went to the Castle Clinic Summer Health Festival. They have an amazing free health screening that has helped so many families in our areas.

Our team was present to share about the work of LifeLine CDC in Winton and Rose put a powerful video together to show some the things that can happen when people care enough to act.

A couple of days ago we got this e-mail from the Clinic:

"Thank you all for attending our 4th Annual Summer Health Festival. Your participation and support helped us get our largest attendance to date! This year we saw over 1,300 people come through the front doors. We were able to provide 227 glucose screenings, 29 breast exams, 144 blood pressure screenings, 78 hearing screenings, 242 vision screenings, 80 sports physicals, 145 t-dap vaccinations, and 101 well child exams. A special Thank you to Dr. Patel's staff at the California Sleep Center for conducting 51 spirometry tests and Mercy Medical Center for 71 body composition screenings.
Thank you all for your commitment to our community...."

They have done an amazing work and we grateful to be part of it.

Working together for health in every aspect of life!

The Sailing accident that made Community Development come to light

Jim and I have a 21 foot San Juan sailboat – Amada (Beloved) and we are learning to sail. During the last few years we had to get rescued several times as we learned to move with the wind. Yesterday we were able to help someone!

Lake Yosemite was beautiful, a nice wind, warm temperatures and really cold water…. Just about perfect! We were excited to be on the lake. We usually turn our cellphones off, void of all distractions we have time to talk, think, pray and just enjoy the event while we move back and forth on the lake.

While Jim was waiting for me he helped a dad and his two preteen boys get his small sailboat ready. Dad had grown up on boats and having much experience with sailing he wanted his boys to experience it as well. While we were on the lake we looked around for them but didn’t see a sailboat.

Instead we saw a capsized boat with 3 people stranded on top of it. As we made our way toward the family we devised a plan to get the boys into our boat. We used our cellphone to call the Sheriff to come and help with the overturned boat.

We had to make several passes to get the boys, but in the end they were with us. Dad stayed and waited for the Sheriff to turn his boat right-side-up so that he could get back to shore as we circled and talked with the boys about the steps dad was taking to turn his boat over. They were able to save a few things but much of their snacks, shoes and drinks were lost at sea.

The wind on the lake is unpredictable and a gust of wind had blown his boat over and the mast had gotten stuck in the sand. There was nothing dad could do than wait for someone to move him out of the mud.

The sheriff came and it took several maneuvers and at one time they pulled too hard and the boat went over on the other side….. but conversations and cooperation made it possible for the boat to come loose and dad was able to sail his boat safely into the harbor and was reunited with his boys.

As I was reflecting on this encounter I thought that community development is a little like this:

• Everyone has amazing gifts and experiences and wants to share them.

• Sometimes all the best planning just does not keep things from going sideways.

• Sometimes the winds of life can move us to a point where we can’t help ourselves.

• When we get stuck in the sand it is worth asking for help – sometimes we need others.

• Sometimes it takes several approaches to get out of the mud and right side up again.

• Even when we need help, we oftentimes already know what needs to be done, but need additional resources.

• When we accept the help it does not mean we are helpless. We are part of the solution.

• When the ‘crisis’ is over, the person can move ahead and ‘steer the boat’ themselves.

• It does not have to be an embarrassment; it can be a learning experience.

But too often this is not the picture we get to see; imagine it another way, not as a community effort, but as a program -

Dad takes his kids out for a boat ride. He is prepared but the unimaginable happens and the boat capsizes. A ‘rescue crew’ comes along and thinks that dad is very irresponsible (because they don’t know the whole picture – they don’t know how experienced he is, how he prepared the kids, and that they are wearing their lifejackets). They only see a father putting his children in danger…and so they come to the rescue. They take the kids in their boat, care for them, feed them, and send them to a ‘better family’. Dad on the other hand is waiting to get some help in turning his boat right side up, but authorities realize that it is a ‘bad’ boat and should not be used any longer since it caused this problem in the first place. Dad is being punished for his neglect and loses his resources (boat) as well as the respect of his children.

As all pictures this is not perfect, but you get the idea!

As the boys reunited with dad we complimented dad on his handling of the boat, his great ideas to turn it, and his wisdom in being prepared. Crisis in life happens, how we respond to it makes all the difference!

We called it a successful day!

A former drug addict, a single mom, a homeless couple, 3 undocumented women, a man who has not received a paycheck in years, and a person with dementia.....you put these men and women together on a task and you have a beautiful picture of community.

We have a saying that "everyone no matter how rich has a need and everyone no matter how poor has a gift" and last week that once again became evident.
Every one of the people who helped with the Bus Boutique this weekend used their amazing gifts, passions and dreams: organizational skills, ability to drive the big bus, a sense and purpose that makes the bus look like an upscale boutique, a servant heart, a deep understanding of the homeless issue, and a very unbiased care for people. These people helped dozens of homeless people receive good clothing, a smile and a little bit of heaven.

There are two ways to look at people: you can either see the needs, the inabilities, the dysfunctions, or you can see their gifts and skills that make them so unique and so powerful.

At LifeLine CDC we want to focus on the glass half full! We want to see people with their potential. We want to give them opportunities to be part of making their community a better place, to change their lives as well as the lives of people around them.

So, bring it on! Because when you see broken pieces, we will look for the mosaic God can build using them!

As for my friends: well done!!!! Thank you for using your gifts.

Would Winton LifeLine Community Center be missed?

Would Winton LifeLine Community Center be missed? Many activities are flowing out of the Winton LifeLine Community Center and if this service is something YOU want, then YOU need to help! During the last year over 500 families received emergency food, all graffiti abatement was handled through the center. Senior citizens have received help with moving, fixing, and cleaning up back yards, Kid's Time kept the children safe, people have come to write resumes and look for jobs or do research on the computer. We helped connect people with resources and assistance they needed. Over $30,000 came back into the community through the VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance) Program, Workers through the Human Service Agency learn new skills and young men were being mentored, A community garden is planted and ready to bring fresh fruits and vegetables. Goods were being exchanged (e.g. clothing and furniture) and people are always welcome to come and visit and just have a conversation. The building is used for the USDA distribution and NA meetings as well as other community oriented groups.

So my question is: would you miss it if is disappeared?
We know these are difficult economic times, but that seems like one more reason to have a community focused place where people not only receive services but give services. Where people can use the gifts they have to help someone else. Where people can not just receive a hand-out but a hand-up. Where we know that "Everyone no matter how rich has a need and everyone no matter how poor has a gift."
Over the last few years the Community Center had a slogan "Putting Winton on the map for something good." and the team still is committed to it... but we can't do it alone!
Will you join us! The cost to run the Center with 2 part time staff is $25,000. But we not only need money, we need volunteers. Will you use your gifts and passions and dreams to keep the Center open so that it can continue in the work of making Winton the best place to live for everyone?

For more information please contact Monika Grasley at 209-201-2905. LifeLine Community Center is located at 7081 Winton Way near Walnut.

From drug dealer to community organizer

Ernie is not shy about his colorful life but that makes him one of the best community organizers. His heart for the community of Winton makes him go the extra mile, his passion to 'put Winton on the map for something good' keeps him busy during his off hours. He understands the struggle the community members are going through, he knows the temptations and he has lived in the community for years.

Recently Ernie and Adrian, our AmeriCorps member, were approached by the Merced County Public Defenders office to share at their luncheon about the work that they are doing in Winton with the at-risk youth and a relationship developed.

Here is an article that was in the Merced SunStar that makes all of us proud!

Vincent Andrade: Quite a LifeLine in Winton

A free legal clinic is planned for Winton on July 9. The Free Winton Legal Clinic is a product of the collaboration between Winton LifeLine Community Center, Merced County Public Defender, Central California Legal Services and UC Merced Law Clinic. The purpose of the clinic is to make free legal services and information available to Winton residents.

Winton LifeLine Community Center has been part of the community for several years. LifeLine has become a force for improving the community by engaging in graffiti abatement, involving the local youth in this project and working on other projects.

I first met LifeLine representative Ernie Solis several months ago. I learned about him from a story that appeared in the Sun-Star. Getting to know Ernie, I have come to appreciate both his compelling life story as well as his commitment to his hometown of Winton. He is a force for improvement and change in Winton. There are undoubtedly equally committed individuals in Winton as well as other Merced County communities.

The needs of the residents of these communities take many forms. One area that Ernie identified is legal services. A free legal clinic is a way to improve the lives of indigent and working people in ways that those who have access to legal services may not consider.

Imagine the senior who wants control over her estate but who cannot read or write, the hard-working father with a criminal record who does not know he can clean his record and thereby get a better job, the mother with three children facing eviction who will end up on the street if she does not know how to defend against the eviction in court.

To help people with these needs and similar problems, Winton LifeLine Community Center is hosting, and Merced County Public Defender and Central California Legal Services along with UC Merced Law Clinic are sponsoring, this free clinic.

Teaming up with Central California Legal Services staff attorneys Pahoua Lor and Safiya Morgan, we have embarked on an ambitious alliance to deliver legal information and basic services at the clinic, which will be from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Crookham Elementary, 7160 W. Walnut Ave.

University students active with the UC Merced Law Clinic will volunteer their time at the clinic.

Presentations are scheduled in the areas of juvenile justice in Merced County, the eviction process, gang intervention, wills, health care directives and power of attorney and the immigration application process. Participants will include Merced County Superior Court Self-Help Center as well as a number of other organizations and groups that want to contact and help Winton-area residents.

As a supervising attorney in the office of the Merced County Public Defender, I am interested in improving the service my department provides to residents who live in the various Merced County communities. Increasing the level of service outlying communities receive will help to improve the lives of Merced County residents -- no matter where they live.

The organizations that have collaborated to develop the Free Winton Legal Clinic have planned and worked for its success. Based on the level of community support and response, it's hoped that free legal clinics can be planned in other communities....

To learn more about Ernie's story go our website at www.lifelinecdc.org

Celebrate Interdependence Day!

As we fire up the barbecue and fly the flag to celebrate our national independence, remember that winning and keeping our freedoms is very much a team effort. The founders mutually pledged each other their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor. Keep the dream alive. Happy Interdependence Day!

"I want to thank..." and a summer BBQ

This is graduation week. From the youngest to the oldest all of them have a buzz of excitement and anticipation. From the simplest to the most elegant event people are dressed up, flowers and balloons are everywhere and the stadiums are filled with family and friends to celebrate this event with the students.

Last night a student at the Adult school shared her story of living in a refugee camp for 10 years before coming to America as a young adult. She shared about her sacrifices to go to school for the first time and raise her 4 children and then she thanked the many people who were part of this part of the journey, people who walked beside her, supported her and helped her. THAT IS COMMUNITY!

Then there was the young 8th grader who thanked everyone for their support and help as he learned to become a public speaker (and boy could he speak!) and who helped him to become the person he is today. THAT IS COMMUNITY!

At every graduation we heard it again and again "we could not have done it without you", "you have been our support", "thank you!"

That is what community is all about, to stand by each other, to help each other, to be there for each other, to trust each other, to connect in a deeper sense.

It seems so natural to express this during graduation week, why can we not live it out a little more during the rest of the year?

What if this summer we would spend time with our neighbors? What if we do BBQ's and garden work together? What if we would build community with the people around us, share the veggies we grow and share life together.

What if at the end of this summer we could honestly say to each other "I want to thank...."?

What is the first step you are going to take?

Sophia peered over the edge of the desk........

Sophia peered over the edge of the desk. She stood spellbound a full ten minutes watching her sister drawing colorful designs on an uncooked egg. Jacqueline's room was off limits unless big sister accompanied her, and she knew to touch only with her eyes. Sophia was six. So with her eyes she took in the bright red animals, the yellow bands of wheat, the brilliant white stars, the dark shiny browns and blacks that divided the egg into panels.

"Are you makin' breakfast?"

"No, Sophie, I'm coloring this egg for Serge."

"The far 'n strange student?"

"Foreign exchange student, Silly. Serge is from Ukraine. I read in a book that in his country the girls give colored eggs to the boys they like."

"You like Serge?" Sophie asked, eyes wide.

"What do you think?"

"Does he like you?"

"He loves me. "

At that, Sophie covered her mouth with her little hands and tore from the room.

"That secret won't last long," Jacqueline thought to herself as she put the finishing touches on her masterpiece.

The next day Mom stood in front of the fridge collecting ingredients. Braided egg bread had become an Easter tradition in the family and this was the day to make it. "Sophia," she called.

Sophie padded around the corner and into view.

"Tell me about these eggs. "

"In the crane girls give 'em to boys." The whole dozen were decorated in color crayon with birds and fish and sunshine and flowers and every pretty thing a little girl of six had ever seen.

"You've been talking to your sister, I see. And who are these for, Daddy?"

"No..."

"Papa then?"

"No..."

"Derrick down the street?"

"No," she giggled. "They're for Jesus."

"Easter eggs for Jesus?"

"He loves me," she explained, turned on her heel, and strode out of the room.

Mom gently closed the lid on the eggs, loaded everything back in the fridge, took down the list from the refrigerator door, and added 'eggs.'


by James Grasley

What legacy will you leave?

Two people who have influenced my life have died in the past 3 weeks and I had to wonder what legacy do we leave behind?

Both men had difficulties in their lives, both went through hardships, trials and pain but they choose very different paths.

One leaves behind a legacy of tormented lives. Lives that are still recovering from the impact of pain, abuse, violence and terror.

The other leaves behind a legacy of lives changed. Lives that have come through pain, poor choices and difficult life circumstances and were given a second chance, a chance for change.

Both men were not perfect. Both men made mistakes. Both men were smart. Both men could be charmers and could be difficult.

But one man chose to stand under the Cross of forgiveness and through his life left a legacy of second chances, while the other (as far as we know) never asked for forgiveness, never made restitution, never took responsibility.

Both men made an impact on the generation to follow.

my brother is dying

Within a week my brother Mike will die a slow and painful death, his body eaten by cancer, his lungs unable to take in air, his heart hardened...... and my heart aches for the wellness of his soul.

Is it possible to have lived a life tormenting others and at the end of life find peace through God's final forgiveness? I believe it is! And I want to do everything in my power to have that one last conversation with him one more time.

Mike and I had this conversation before... many years ago when I was just a young adult and then again when his body was dying of cancer and I was his match that gave him another 14 years to live.

But we have not seen any change, have not seen a softening of his shell, not experienced an ember of hope...... so is it still possible?

I believe in a God who can change things in the last minute, who can redeem on the death bed and restore a soul and a relationship at the very last minute ....

Will Mike take the offer? The offer of God's forgiveness, the offer of my forgiveness? I don't know, but I cannot stand by and see a man drowning without throwing him a lift raft.

While I do this,I feel like I am actually jumping into the water myself, getting wet with the pain and sorrow of the past in the hope that I might be able to still reach him.... and the others that have been affected by the his life.

So on Wednesday I will go to Germany.....

2:15 am and my mind is racing....

...our dogs were over active last night and I could not get back to sleep.. So here I am, way too early in the morning to be productive and yet my mind does not want to slow down.

My mind is racing about all the things that I did not get done, the unanswered calls, the reports that are late, the updates on the websites, the training preparation...... and I wonder why did God chose me to be the director of a non profit?

There are many more capable people around; many of my friends could do a much better job at handling all the responsibilities; many people are more gifted and more passionate than I.

But God chose me! Isn't that amazing. He chooses a broken person to help bring wholeness to individuals and communities. He uses a person with an 8th grade education to write grants and fill out IRS forms. He uses a 'English as a second language' person to stand before an audience.

I guess it is not up to me to make things 'perfect' to have all my 'i's dotted and my 't's crossed, if God chose me to do this work then He knew beforehand what He was getting into. :)

So, as the new dawn approaches I am ready, ready to do my part in bringing God's Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven, ready to do what God called me to do to love Him first and then to love my neighbor.

If you see me flustered and complaining of not getting everything done... just remind me that I was not chosen for my perfection, not because I could get the job done, but because God works best with broken vessels. And if you have pity on me, come alongside the work and help, I could use all the help I can get.

Former tagger goes to College

Adrian Esquivel

Graffiti Abatement

My name is Adrian Esquivel (Fatz) I am an AmeriCorps member working at Winton Lifeline Community Center. A group of young at risk youth and I from the community get together on a daily basis and drive around Winton looking for graffiti to paint over. In case there is graffiti at a private property we ask for permission then we get a permission slip signed by the owner of the property before we paint over the graffiti not leaving patches but paining the whole fence with our paint that we get donated by Merced County. LifeLine CDC and CLEO have set up an account at the local hardware store to get our supply of rollers and green spray paint for the garbage cans. Lately, we been working with the local post office to get paint and have the permission to also go around cleaning mail boxes but that is still pending. It takes a lot of hard work, dedication, and money. We spend about three hundred to four hundred dollars a month for gas and about forty to fifty dollars worth of supplies like; rollers, brushes, spray paint for trash cans, etc.

What I find greatly satisfying is the positive feedback from the community. Once a lady named Aurora came to the site and made us lunch for cleaning graffiti across her street. Another day a lady came in and brought us sodas meanwhile we were working on her fence. Mario and Daniel B. were taggers working on community service hours for getting caught tagging. After seeing how grateful people were when we cleaned up the community, they both till this day have stopped tagging. Mario went back to school and Daniel got a job to keep busy. In conclusion, not only do we make Winton a better place, but we also make a positive difference or change in someone’s life. It’s a great feeling to get a paycheck and be happy about the changes you have accomplished!

Vincent is one of the young man who has been helping with the Winton Community Center. Adrian, Tunde and Vincent helped at the Merced Martin Luther King Jr. event.

"My MLK Day experience" by Vincent W. (left in picture)

"What I learned at the event was that everyone has their own place in this world. Not matter what skin color you are. I saw that there were a lot of mixed raced couples and that made me see they could be happy no matter who they are with. If it wasn't for Martin Luther King these people would have never found their real love. He was an important man. I never recognized Martin Luther King Jr Day was that important until yesterday. Thank you."

Can Afrian Red Worms build community?

Last week a friend of ours gave us some worms... yes.. the wiggly, slimy kind of worms!
So last night we created the new homes for them. We shredded paper, converted buckets, cleaned out the scrap food bin and made a new home for the hundreds of worms that are now in our possession.


Why? Well, here are just a few things that come to mind:

1. We get to recycle our food scraps and paper products into wonderful organic fertilizer. Yes, junk mail is good for something!

2. We have a great conversation piece :)... probably not at the dinner table though.

3. And most importantly, we get to share our worms with others. We want to have more community gardens in our communities. In times when food is expensive and people are out of work, having community gardens only makes sense and brings people together to share the gifts and skills they have. And having healthy, fertile ground is one of the requirements for a successful garden...... hence the worms!
Can you imagine the conversations around the growing of the worms? Can you imagine children touching worms and giggling as they might experience them for the first time? Can you image older ladies sitting together to come up with more creative ideas on the use of the worms? Can you imagine men sharing their gardening and farming experiences with each other? Well WE CAN!

For now, we have 2 buckets with worms, old shredded statements and scrap food in our backyard waiting to multiply and be shared with community!